Reading Help MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
watchings.
Claud. And I, my lord.
Pedro. And you too, gentle Hero?
Hero. I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin
to a
good husband.
Pedro. And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I
know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of
approved
valour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach you how to humour
your cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick; and
I,
[to Leonato and Claudio] with your two helps, will so
practise on
Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy
stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do
this,
Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we
are
the only love-gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my
drift.
Exeunt.
Scene II.
A hall in Leonato's house.
Enter [Don] John and Borachio.
John. It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of
Leonato.
Bora. Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.
John. Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med'cinable to
me.
I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart
his
affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this
marriage?
Bora. Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty
shall appear in me.
John. Show me briefly how.
Bora. I think I told your lordship, a year since, how much I am
in
the favour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.
John. I remember.
Bora. I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint
her
to look out at her lady's chamber window.
John. What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?
Bora. The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the
Prince your brother; spare not to tell him that he hath
wronged
his honour in marrying the renowned Claudio (whose estimation
do
you mightily hold up) to a contaminated stale, such a one as
Hero.
John. What proof shall I make of that?
Bora. Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to
undo
Hero, and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue?
John. Only to despite them I will endeavour anything.
Bora. Go then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and the
Count
Claudio alone; tell them that you know that Hero loves me;
intend
a kind of zeal both to the Prince and Claudio, as--in love of
your brother's honour, who hath made this match, and his
friend's
reputation, who is thus like to be cozen'd with the semblance
of
a maid--that you have discover'd thus. They will scarcely
believe
this without trial. Offer them instances; which shall bear no
less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me
call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me Claudio; and bring
them
to see this the very night before the intended wedding (for
in
the meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be
absent) and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero's
disloyalty that jealousy shall be call'd assurance and all
the
preparation overthrown.
John. Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in
practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a
thousand ducats.
Bora. Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall
not
shame me.
John. I will presently go learn their day of marriage.
Exeunt.
Scene III.
Leonato's orchard.
Enter Benedick alone.
Bene. Boy!
[Enter Boy.]
Boy. Signior?
Bene. In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me
in
the orchard.
Boy. I am here already, sir.
Bene. I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again.
(Exit Boy.) I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to
love,
will, after he hath laugh'd at such shallow follies in
others,
become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love; and
such
a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with
him
but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the
tabor
and the pipe. I have known when he would have walk'd ten mile
afoot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights
awake
carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak
plain
and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now
is
he turn'd orthography; his words are a very fantastical
banquet--
just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and see
with
these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not be sworn
but
love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take my oath on
it,
till he have made an oyster of me he shall never make me such
a
fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet
I am
well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be
in
one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she
shall
be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll
never
cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come
not
near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an
excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it
please God. Ha, the Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me
in
the arbour. [Hides.]
Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, Claudio.
Music [within].
Pedro. Come, shall we hear this music?
Claud. Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!
Pedro. See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
Claud. O, very well, my lord. The music ended,
We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.
Enter Balthasar with Music.
Pedro. Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.
Balth. O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
To slander music any more than once.
Pedro. It is the witness still of excellency
To put a strange face on his own perfection.
I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.
Balth. Because you talk of wooing, I will sing,
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
Yet will he swear he loves.
Pedro. Nay, pray thee come;
Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,
Do it in notes.
Balth. Note this before my notes:
There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.
Pedro. Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!
Note notes, forsooth, and nothing! [Music.]
Bene. [aside] Now divine air! Now is his soul ravish'd! Is it
not
strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's
bodies?
Well, a horn for my money, when all's done.
[Balthasar sings.]
The Song.
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more!
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore;
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
Claud. And I, my lord.
Pedro. And you too, gentle Hero?
Hero. I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin
to a
good husband.
Pedro. And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I
know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of
approved
valour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach you how to humour
your cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick; and
I,
[to Leonato and Claudio] with your two helps, will so
practise on
Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy
stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do
this,
Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we
are
the only love-gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my
drift.
Exeunt.
Scene II.
A hall in Leonato's house.
Enter [Don] John and Borachio.
John. It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of
Leonato.
Bora. Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.
John. Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med'cinable to
me.
I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart
his
affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this
marriage?
Bora. Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty
shall appear in me.
John. Show me briefly how.
Bora. I think I told your lordship, a year since, how much I am
in
the favour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.
John. I remember.
Bora. I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint
her
to look out at her lady's chamber window.
John. What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?
Bora. The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the
Prince your brother; spare not to tell him that he hath
wronged
his honour in marrying the renowned Claudio (whose estimation
do
you mightily hold up) to a contaminated stale, such a one as
Hero.
John. What proof shall I make of that?
Bora. Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to
undo
Hero, and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue?
John. Only to despite them I will endeavour anything.
Bora. Go then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and the
Count
Claudio alone; tell them that you know that Hero loves me;
intend
a kind of zeal both to the Prince and Claudio, as--in love of
your brother's honour, who hath made this match, and his
friend's
reputation, who is thus like to be cozen'd with the semblance
of
a maid--that you have discover'd thus. They will scarcely
believe
this without trial. Offer them instances; which shall bear no
less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me
call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me Claudio; and bring
them
to see this the very night before the intended wedding (for
in
the meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be
absent) and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero's
disloyalty that jealousy shall be call'd assurance and all
the
preparation overthrown.
John. Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in
practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a
thousand ducats.
Bora. Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall
not
shame me.
John. I will presently go learn their day of marriage.
Exeunt.
Scene III.
Leonato's orchard.
Enter Benedick alone.
Bene. Boy!
[Enter Boy.]
Boy. Signior?
Bene. In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me
in
the orchard.
Boy. I am here already, sir.
Bene. I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again.
(Exit Boy.) I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to
love,
will, after he hath laugh'd at such shallow follies in
others,
become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love; and
such
a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with
him
but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the
tabor
and the pipe. I have known when he would have walk'd ten mile
afoot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights
awake
carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak
plain
and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now
is
he turn'd orthography; his words are a very fantastical
banquet--
just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and see
with
these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not be sworn
but
love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take my oath on
it,
till he have made an oyster of me he shall never make me such
a
fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet
I am
well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be
in
one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she
shall
be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll
never
cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come
not
near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an
excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it
please God. Ha, the Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me
in
the arbour. [Hides.]
Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, Claudio.
Music [within].
Pedro. Come, shall we hear this music?
Claud. Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!
Pedro. See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
Claud. O, very well, my lord. The music ended,
We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.
Enter Balthasar with Music.
Pedro. Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.
Balth. O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
To slander music any more than once.
Pedro. It is the witness still of excellency
To put a strange face on his own perfection.
I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.
Balth. Because you talk of wooing, I will sing,
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
Yet will he swear he loves.
Pedro. Nay, pray thee come;
Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,
Do it in notes.
Balth. Note this before my notes:
There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.
Pedro. Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!
Note notes, forsooth, and nothing! [Music.]
Bene. [aside] Now divine air! Now is his soul ravish'd! Is it
not
strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's
bodies?
Well, a horn for my money, when all's done.
[Balthasar sings.]
The Song.
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more!
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore;
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,